The following is something else I wrote when I was a teenager. It is the poem I scribbled for my dad after he died, and it was used as the inspiration for his funeral eulogy. My mom reminded me of this just the other day. I can recollect writing a poem, and my mom’s friend having it printed onto a photograph and framed, but I had forgotten it was the theme for the priest’s eulogy at his funeral. I recall the motivation I felt to write something for him but it feeling forced, contrived, unlike my impulsive desire to write dramatic love poems for old boyfriends and my constant plethora of crushes .
This is another reason I feel compelled to write my memories, feelings and document what my father meant to me. I have the ability to still remember him, and I feel I owe him this devotion. There is a shame that lingers, I carry it with me, a guilt for not honoring him more by working harder to live up to his expectations. Feeling I could have made better decisions, been stronger, used his example to resist temptations and stay focused on my future. There were times, even now looking back, I felt like I failed him. He knew my potential, he supported my endeavors; always. Why couldn’t I have been less consumed and distracted by boys, my social life, and having fun? I can’t change it now, but hopefully I can give him the recognition he deserves, and by doing this, make him PROUD in my abilities, and the dedication I have to accomplishing my dreams!
I see him smile and his strong handshake,
Inside is love and understanding.
He was full of humor and carried it everywhere,
I sometimes was the only one who could tell between his dark-side and his light-side.
He was like a butterfly, strong and free, yet mysterious and always coming back to one day be gone forever.
Yet his strong willfulness will be captured in my heart always to shine out as I slowly grow and he will be with me.