Life has had its ups and downs lately. The weather warms up only to cool down again. Politics and activism have been over consuming my extra hours, taking time from my writing and family. Mostly due to my mind’s preoccupation with the stresses and anxiety that go along with trying to coordinate, prepare, and anticipate meetings that I somehow ended up running yet I never intended to be the leader. Now that spring is waking up and stretching its arms, I have started seeds for my fourth year of gardening. The time has arrived and it is obvious, I NEED TO PRIORITIZE!
I sincerely believe in the importance of active citizenship, but my psyche gets abused and battered when there is too much time and focus spent on it. The dedication of raising my children, gardening, and writing should be at the forefront. When politics supersedes any of these; nausea, anxiety, and melancholy set in. It’s a pivotal moment in history but too much of anything creates imbalance and leads to instability. Then the guilt sets in paving the way for impatience and doubt. Doubt of myself, my abilities, my worth, and this makes me feel painfully self-conscious. The worst, most agonizing result of it all. It’s what keeps me off of Facebook, makes me want to delete my Twitter account from time to time, and causes the introvert in me to resurface and begin its whirlwind of repossession.
Then just as my ego is at a low point, a festival arrives. The first year our city welcomes authors, publishes, and literary agents to discuss writing and all of its complex facets; providing lectures, workshops, and story times. Thinking this is a wonderful coincidence since I have concluded my story, which I have exposed little by little here on my blog, I decide to format it, read through it, and edit it; again. Then I print it off, along with a working proposal letter, and put it in a manila envelope to carry along with me to the festival. Doubt still at the forefront of my mind yet, to be honest, accompanied with a ray of hope that if I make the effort and reach out to someone at this live, fact-to-face event, they will take interest in my memoir.
Reality-The convoluted system of query/proposal letters, editing and publishing is complex, contradictory, and specialized. The risk involved should be considered and patience is best practice. It may take years upon years for me to professionally publish anything and maybe my stories are just meant to be circulated between a few readers and family who don’t require compensation or care if it follows all the particulars of a genre “formula.” Oh, and bringing my working manuscript with does not mean anyone actually wants to see it. Money, status, and who you know trumps desire and personal contact. Staying behind to reach out and connect with a professional, while wearing my heart on my sleeve, does not mean a revelation will occur. Deep breaths, positive internal thoughts and perseverance are vital for survival in the complex literary world.
Take away-The blogging community is definitely my favorite outlet for connecting with fellow writers and artists. It is honest, supportive, and positive. Sunshine after the storm. Maintaining mental health is much more important than monetary compensation, and sometimes putting the feelers out is a bit discouraging and painful, so knowing when to take a deep breath, recenter, and reevaluate can provide much needed clarity. It’s time to follow my passions and cultivate my garden!
Since I will be focusing on the herbalist, writing, mothering side of myself once again, I want to let my fellow bloggers/followers know that I am doing this through my other blog: https://aspiringherbalist.wordpress.com
This will be my ongoing journey as a nature love, gardener, and aspiring herbalist. I plan to start following the blogs that I cherish so much on this site through my other site now. Just an FYI so you know where I have gone and in hopes that you will join me on this peaceful, enlightening, healing, and informative exploration. The photos will be my own, my research will be a combination of personal observation/reflection as well as some online information that I gather.
Thank you again to all my blogging friends who have brightened my life by reading my story, sharing yours, and connecting through words and conversations. This is by far one of the most inspirational communities I have ever discovered and joined. An array of words and photos sprouting, blossoming, and creating new life that interconnects us all in the garden of blogging.